Thursday, March 29, 2012

Anguish to Joy

I am not a Debbie Downer I swear. I am not really sure why God put another heavy topic on my heart. I guess somebody out there needs to hear it. Also in light of me starting my new bible study Jonah: Navigating a Life Interrupted, I do not want to be like Jonah in the way of running from what the Lord has asked me (told me) to do. My son who I believe is wise beyond his years (sometimes) said to me just yesterday. "Mom, whatever God says we got to do it. Then we will get wisdom." My 4 year old knows this, so why do I sometimes run the other direction, when I hear that call, feel that call? Well not this time. I heard it Lord and I am answering it. I will write what is on my heart, what you have laid upon my heart, because somebody must need your message. So here we go, another hard, but in the end joyous, and God teaching moment.

Can I just say that I started this blog last night and was INTERRUPTED or BLOCKED! My computer started loosing battery fast and every time I plugged it in to a wall outlet it would tell me, plugged in, not charging. Really every outlet. I guess that Devil man was bored. Trying to pick on me, that was not nice. My husband with much exploring figured out the problem and fixed it this morning. Well I win I will not stop writing, lol!

So where were we? Anguish to Joy!

Anguish in definition -
Severe mental or physical pain or suffering.

Joy in definition - Happiness; an emotion

Could these two words be any farther apart?

Last year I got to personally witness my anguish morph to joy. (John 16:20) I have for years suffered from different female organ problems (sorry if TMI). I had a hard time getting pregnant with my son, which was done with the help of surgery. My husband and I wanted our kids close together in age, but 4 years after my sons birth we were still waiting. A recent Dr appt in Sept/Nov 2011 revealed that I would have to undergo another surgery to ever have more children. This just was not an option at that time, nor was I sure I wanted to go through a surgery for a maybe. I sort of became angry. Why do some people get pregnant without ever trying, or sometimes they are trying and boom that fast. I wanted more children, love children, but needed to except the information that had been laid before me. Little did I know the trial/miracle I was about to face. In Dec. I started really experiencing some pain. To keep you from all the yucky, TMI, unneeded details I ended up having a miscarriage within a few days of the pain starting. WHAT? I was pregnant? No way, the Dr said it wasn't possible, that I needed surgery. Why? Really? WHAT? My brain was a mess of emotions and questions.

At the same time that this trial/miracle was taking place I had started attending my first ever Bible study. The Shelter of God's Promises by Sheila Walsh. So not only did I have my own circle of prayer warriors praying over me, but I had new knowledge that could not have come at a more perfect time. We has just learned some survival tips when these trials or storms as they can be called come your way:
1. Trust in the Promise, Jesus
2. Keep your gaze on Him
3. Praise Him for the profit that will come from enduring hardships
4. Find reason to be grateful in the midst of loss and pain

Number 4 hit me. Find a reason to be grateful in the midst of loss and pain. What did I have to be grateful for? I had wanted this for so bad, and for so long. I prayed, I prayed hard, my friends prayed, my family prayed. My very real anguish started morphing to JOY! (John 16:20 Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy). I am so serious people. Yes I was sad that I had to go through this, but guess what people. I HAD GOTTEN PREGNANT WITH NO SURGERY! My anguish of loosing a child I never would get to meet, turned to joy and hope for my families future. In his time. I need to trust God. Sheila Walsh said in her study, "We can trust a God who holds the entire universe together to hold us together, even when everything is falling apart. He is the Creator of you and me; and He is also the Sustainer of you and me." He has got this! At a point in my life when I was in anguish, God was there just waiting to show me the Joy!!!

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