My Bible Study this session has me focusing on the Wonders of God. Turning from the Why to the Who. I love this passage that was in my study this week, "God doesn't ask us to deny our grief, but to seek Him in the midst of grief. The invitation to awaken to the wonder of God's presence remains -- even in affliction, even in loss, even in the pain. As we begin to seek Him, our focus shifts from downward, to upward, and from inward to outward.' (Wonder Struck by Margaret Feinberg)
It is a normal reaction when faced with a traumatic or even tough situation to directly go to the Why. Why me? Why Lord were you not there? Why did you allow this to happen? etc. etc. I have been there many times. See that negative test picture above? I can not tell you how many of those I have seen. It became and obsessive point in my life, that often I would see that test and get angry. I did not understand. My whole life I wanted to be a mother. I dreamed of it. I assumed it would be an easy process. Boy was I wrong. God had a journey for me that at the time I am not sure I could have said I was ready for, I would have never agreed to go along if someone had asked me or told me the plan. No way, not for me. Over the last Ten and half years though I have been blessed more then I could have ever imagined. Who knew that infertility could be a blessing. Now I would not have called it a blessing when I was in the midst of it, Doctor appointments, temping, planned "Dates" with the hubby! Life felt unfair at that time, I was focusing on the Why.
"Instead of focusing on the Why's of our life circumstances, God calls our attention back to Him and reminds us of the Who that controls everything."(-Margaret Feinberg) The Who, was always there. Was waiting for me to look up from my black cloud I had created around me to realize He had never left. I was so inspired by a verse today that is why this blog came to be. Psalms 113:9 He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the Lord.(NIV) Now I know now that this is true as I am one of these women the Lord has blessed! Once I opened my eyes to Gods Wonder, we were blessed with our first daughter through adoption. Pure Joy she added to our life.
We loved every moment with our newest daughter and soaked up everything new about being parents. We also knew we would love more children. We continued to try and add a biological child to our family. After time again I was sucked back into the Why. Everywhere I went there were pregnant people. Or friends who told me they had been trying for a month. Ugh. It all got annoying and I could not understand why God would allow my body to not work the way it should. We did find out there was a medical reason that could be causing the infertility so I had surgery to have the issue addressed. Then my body was put on break for some time (Doctors Orders). During this time again I got out of my cloud as and said whatever is meant to be Lord. We were planning a big move cross country and I had other things that I started focusing on. Guess what God is a God of Wonder. He chose that time to Bless us again. This time with that positive test. I was in Awe of his blessing. His miracle. A baby for me. I felt honored. Our second blessing joined our family 9mo later. A healthy, baby boy.
It was all to much! The joy runneth over. We continued down our path of life, still talking about adding to our family, but never working very hard at it. We had decided at this point to put in God's hands. Now I will honestly say if I felt the slight sign I could be pregnant again, and saw that Negative. There was disappointment, and yes sometimes I slipped back into the Why, and forgot to look at the Who. We over the years suffered a miscarriage and you can read about that in an earlier blog post. That post was a big turning point for me also.
Here I am 6 years down the road from when my son blessed our lives. Guess what? God unexpectedly blessed us with another daughter through adoption. We are getting ready to celebrate her 1 year in our home. She has added even more joy. Seriously. Each kid brings their own level of joy. It is amazing!
Now as I focus during this Bible Study on the Wonders of God, I get even more excited about our newest journey in life. As we add 2 more children to our family. I am one of the "happy mothers of children" in the Bible that is spoke of. I will Praise the Lord, because I know WHO is blessing me. I know WHO is providing it all. Try as hard as it is when you find yourself in a rough spot to stop the Why and focus on the Who. He never leaves you. He is right beside you the whole way through. Seek Him. He is waiting.
Just because I posted a picture of all my other children. I will post a picture only of our future son since we have our Pre-Approval from China to do so. As far as our newest daughter please pray for her paperwork to be finished quickly.
